Walking Away from August

What a month! Most of my WLS classes were this month - as was the wrap-up. I also started working more specifically on some of the habits I'll have to have under my belt post-surgery, and did a lot more reading than I expected that I would.

But by far the biggest thing is the determination of my surgery date, and the fact that - in around a month - my life is going to drastically change. And I have to admit that I'm pretty well nervous about many parts of this thing.

But I'm also excited. That's not bad, right?

-sd

Surprisingly, No Tilt!

Frankly, I thought this weekend would be sort of a bender. I had a significant performance on Friday night which required a 2 hour drive (each way) - the return trip was late-night. I would be at a festival that would have a lot of consumption (drinking some, dope smoking a lot), and I would be surrounded by people that were having their blow-out weekend of the year.

Which meant that I imagined being piggy in one way or another, and that I'd be regretting my choices on Sunday.

But not! I chose to bug out of the festival as soon as my set was over, and I had a modest Wendy's on the way home, but I didn't overdo in any area - and I'm feeling pretty proud today.

Yay!

-sd

The Tiny Bits

One of the suggestions that was made in my class was to find small utensils in order to make eating small portions a lot easier. So I've started...

For a fork, I've decided on a cocktail fork. I prefer this to baby utensils, because most of the baby items I found were plastic - and I don't like the feel of plastic utensils. We happened to have one of these lying around, and I took it for a test drive - golden!

As for drinking cups, we still have a few super-small juice glasses left over from when the kids were small, and I should be able to use those - but I'll need to keep an eye on things for the future. Maybe Goodwill?

Anyway, continuing the work.

-sd

So which way do we go?

So I'm confused. Last night, I watched a rerun of Bill Maher's show where they had the author of the Blue Zone books as a guest. He kind of went off on his theories about longevity, but one claim that he made threw me.

He stated that, after many years, there is no evidence that gym training offers any gain. This aligned with something a friend of mine stated, which is that when he looked into a Very Expensive Fat Farm, he found that they made their cash by keeping people moving for 8+ hours/day. Something about the constant activity was much more helpful in terms of weight management than high-impact, high-intensity training.

How does that fit with the general consensus? And how does this mesh with the prevalence of cross-training, PX and other Super Magical Exercise Plans that seem to populate the landscape?

I dunno.

-sd

Weight Loss Dreams

So, last night my whole night was filled with post-WLS dreams. Why? Probably because I'd been reading WLS for Dummies right before bed, so my head was full of it. But anyway...

My main remember-able dream was shopping for clothes at a Walmart. I'm not a Walmart fan, but I can also say that I've never been able to shop for clothes at standard retail because of my size. As in - I've not been able to shop that way for 20 years. So the idea of a straight-retail clothes purchase is insane to me - and one of my Big Time Dreams.

But Walmart? I've got to up my game...

-sd

A Book Recommendation for Dummies

I've not always been a big "for Dummies" fan - the only previous Dummies guide that I'd gotten was the "Google Sketchup for Dummies" back when Google actually owned Sketchup. But several people in the WLS class pointed to this book and suggested is was a great help.

I bought it (the Kindle version, actually), and am quite pleased so far. The fact that it starts with Al Roker saying that he doesn't recommend WLS very often was a surprise, and the depth of coverage of a lot of scary things was an even greater surprise. So I'm a fan - despite the title...

-sd

The Die is Cast!

The day has been set. My surgery will occur on October 6, 2015.

I actually had the opportunity to schedule it for mid-September, but I'd moved everything that I'm working on into September, assuming that it would be October before I'd get an appointment. Nevertheless, this is slotting in OK, and I'll be able to do most of my pre-op dieting (the liver-shrinking stuff) and post-op healing (and liquid-only diet) without too much invasion of the outside world.

Now I'm getting nervous!!!

-sd

And after the first week...

... I'll call it a success! Being home alone could have been an opportunity for excess snacking, running out for fast food or telling myself it was OK to eat another Ben & Jerry's.

But somehow I held it together. Maybe it's the fact that the kids aren't around dragging out the cookies. Maybe it is because, left to my own devices, I actually prefer coding to eating. Or maybe it's the fact that I really don't want to eat all the time, and a change of pace puts me in the position to be more thoughtful about my actions.

Whatever it is, I'm happier for it. Eating less (and snacking a lot less) leaves me feeling less bloated, which is resulting in an overall better feeling. My recent rapid weight gain is still leaving me with some disturbing sensations (more-or-less constant heartburn, inpotence, yuck...), but I'm hoping that I can get the boat a little righted before I go under the knife.

Whee!

-sd

The Booster...

Well, I'm starting the Movement Toward Surgery (my own device - it helps me feel like progress is occurring) by creating an eating schedule that will more closely align with the 'Liver Shrinking Diet' that I'll be on for the two weeks prior to surgery.

Mostly, this schedule looks like a non-ending parade of Boost Glucose Control shakes.

I'm having a Boost and a coffee at breakfast time, a sandwich and non-Boost drink at lunch, a basic evening meal and another Boost + some peanut butter toast as a nighttime snack. Not perfect, and certainly not the Liver Shrinker, but it does greatly reduce the amount of food I'm eating, and is giving me a renewed chance to come to grips with feeling a little hungry. For some reason, ever since I quit smoking (over a year ago), even small pangs of hunger lead me into eating a large snack.

And there might be the issue with recent weight gains.

So there you go - eating will change, so I might as well start preparing.

-sd

And it is over...

... the classes, that is. I have to admit wanting to sprint out of that place - it had gotten a little 'friendly', and last night was everyone's chance to bitch about their mothers (or mothers-in-law), their co-workers and their kids. Everybody is making them eat food!

Holy crap, was it tiresome. I really wanted to stand up and say: "YOU are the saboteur! YOU are the person that gives yourself permission to get the Mocha Frappaccino. YOU are the Arby's Double Meat Special." But I bit my tongue, because it was clear that some of these people just needed to vent, and we'd become their most inviting recipients.

But I will tell you - one of the weirdest things was that, after all the discussions about food, diet, healthy choices and changes in lifestyle, one of the big conversations last night was about Golden Corral. Yes, that place - the chocolate-fountained swill hole with all you can eat Spare Tires Ribs. One guy (the class over-talker) was concerned that, when you go to Golden Corral, you spend $13, and now you won't be able to eat much!

I was pretty sure the nutritionist was going to blow up at him. But, instead, she said "At the office, we have cards you can hand to people to let them know that you had surgery, and can only eat a child's portion."

I couldn't believe it. The correct answer is "Everything that has made you what you are, you fat lout, can be found in the steamers at Golden Corral. So how about you stick a sock in that one?"

-sd

Last Class!!!

Today is the last of the Kaiser classes - and the folks at the clinic said that I should get my surgery appointment within 2-3 days. WHOHOO!!!!!!

-sd

All By Myself...

(with apologies to Eric Carmen...)

Today, the kids go back to school - and I find myself at home alone (with the dog). This is a big test for me, because this is what most of my time is going to be like after surgery. How do I interact with food? Do I remember to drink enough water? Do I remember to make a meal, but eat it slowly? Can I eat away from a screen?

I'm not really sure about any of these answers, but certainly the rush-about of the morning adds stress to the day that wasn't there in the summer. On the other hand, with kids not constantly munching on snacks, I may not become engaged in snacking either.

One of the interesting things to contemplate is that, after my surgery, I may have to force myself to eat - I won't be hungry for hungry's sake, but I'll need to eat to maintain my energy.

That is a completely foreign concept to me. Unimaginable.

-sd

Talk to your Father!

Well, my chat with my mother has led to a chat with my father! My dad got a gastric bypass about 12 years ago, and he has a lot of advice that he'd be happy to give me. But we've not been in the best of communication over the last year, and I had a little trepedation about talking to him.

Turns out I shouldn't have worried.

He was so happy for my decision, and reiterated what I'd heard from everyone I've talked to: their only regret is that they didn't get the surgery done years before.

In the case of my dad, he lost over 220 lbs., regained about 60 lbs, but feels real comfortable with the weight that he is at and is dedicated to eating in a way that will support this new weight. He talked about the value of having the weight loss in order to maintain mobility (one of my main concerns), and about the additional energy that he has as a result.

He also gave me a few details that were important: The extra skin can go away with exercise. According to him: "You'll never be like you were when you were 20!", but that is to be expected. He also thought that I'd be able to begin teaching moderate amount within 2 weeks, but that the 3 week suggestion from my Psych would probably be best.

A great way to re-connect with my father, and to learn more about what I'm up against. Thanks so much, Dad!

-sd

Oh my Lord...

Was watching the football game on the NFL Network on Thursday when I saw an ad for this:

After 6 weeks of hearing a nutritionist talk about eating "food of value" and "eat to live - not live to eat", I'm now at a complete loss as to the purpose of these thing. The only possible use I can see is a way to get rid of excess Velveeta cheese, old Bac-o's and stale fries.

The concept of "everything tastes better with bacon" has finally met its match. Yuck.

-sd

Forks Down!

OK - this is impossible. I've come to the realization that I have seldom in my life actually thought about the food that I've been sticking in my face. This exercise of "putting down the fork" in between each bite has been unnerving - and almost impossible for me.

You see, this requires a conscious means of eating, and I feel too distracted to give eating any attention at all. This has to change - if for no other reason that to provide me with a chance to manage my eating post-surgery (before I start puking). But I need to do something that helps me better understand that I'm eating; I already eat at the table, so that's not much of it. But there is something about giving my meals some attention that seems completely foreign to me.

So I have to find some sort of trigger for this - and I've not yet figured out what it would be. If I figure it out, I'll let you know!

-sd

And Just When I asked...

... I get an answer. Today, I met with the Psych (who, apparently, makes sure that I'm not getting weight loss surgery because of daddy issues?), and we had a great talk.

He was super willing to answer any questions that I asked, so I hit him with Question Number One: "I've got a really busy schedule, and I'm wondering how long I'll be out of commission before I can do some of these projects?" He asked about my role (which is oversight/consultation), and then said:

"Three weeks."

Wow - complete clarity. Give that info, I now know exactly how to plan things out.

Bingo! Thanks Doc!

-sd

Put Down The Fork!

(It's amazing how many images there are for the above phrase...)

Cool technique from last night's class that I'm going to try - starting today. In order to help slow down eating and prepare for post-surgery habits, the suggestion was to set down the fork between each bite. Now, I'd not been able to conceive of a way to make a meal last 20-30 minutes, but I can really see this, in combination with smaller utensils, working to put the brakes on the High Speed Eating I seem to embrace.

Thanks, Nutritionist-Lady!

-sd

OK - so how much time?

I need a straight answer from someone! My Fall quarter is filling up fast - between work, teaching, artwork and performance, I've got a full schedule ahead. But I can't for the life of me find out how much time I'm supposed to take off of work/high-effort-stuff post surgery. Since I'm probably getting the sleeve, I assume it's a fairly short time, but it is still pretty significant surgery, and I don't want to blow a gasket because I started humping it too soon.

Does anyone have an answer? So far, the response would be "No!"

Dammit.

-sd

Talking to Mom

Last night, I talked to my Mom about the weight reduction surgery. It was interesting, mainly because she has plenty of direct experience with it.

You see, obesity is an epidemic in my family. The entire family - and most of the extended family - struggle with being overweight. As a result, we are one massive study in weight loss technologies, and the only thing my Mother has seen work is a gastric bypass.

My father, prior to surgery, weighed nearly 400 lbs. He was active, but he ate massive quantities - much like I do. He got the full gastric bypass, and lost almost 200 pounds; he's in the best shape that anyone has ever seen, and after 10 years is mostly keeping the weight off even as his eating has returned to normal (human-level, not pre-surgery).

On the other hand, my mother and sister both had lap-band, and neither appears to have gained any benefit at all. I think they've given up, and are no longer maintaining the band inflation. I also clearly see that their eating habits have not changed at all, and the have seen 0% benefit.

Add this to decades of Weight Watchers, Opti-fast, Adkins and other processes, and the whole thing looks like failure-in-a-bag. No wonder my Mom thinks that WLS is the best thing she'd ever seen happen to someone.

I hope it is as successful for me...

-sd

Back in the Saddle Again!

Just a quick note: As of today, I'm back to regular exercise, having done 20-30 minutes of walking every day for 7 days. So I'm back on it!

-sd

Bloat

For some reason, all week this week I've felt bloated.

I'm not sure what has caused this, and I'm poking around my diet to see if I can figure it out. It might just mean that I need a good salad-based colon blow to clear things out.

But it makes me wonder - what exactly will I be able to do after surgery when I don't feel right. People often talk about how, if they eat incorrectly, that they feel horrible (as in: as bad as they've felt in their lives). I understand that sometimes you vomit, and sometimes you experience dumping syndrome (which sounds like just what would make you the life of the party...), but is there anything that you can do to relieve pain without resorting to horrible results?

Something to ask in next week's meeting...

-sd

The Plight of the Nutritionist's Message

(Can you say hello to a stock photo?)

I was talking to a friend yesterday afternoon. He was telling me that he had lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, had no appetite and was feeling kind of depressed. I later got an email that said that he was talking to his wife (she is on vacation), and she was concerned - and wanted him to start eating. After forcing himself to have a good meal, he was immediately more energetic, and had no sense of depression.

Now, I've been taking these WLS classes from Kaiser, and one of the things they keep beating in our heads is that, after surgery, we will *need* to eat. We have to focus on protein, but we need to move food through our bodies, or we will get sick or possibly have fatal consequences. Paying attention to food and water consumption is critical for post-surgery success, and we spend a lot of time on exercises to support those facts.

But if my behavior toward my friend is any indication, all of the nutritionist's words translated into a Peanuts' style "Waa wa waa waa wa". I should have seen the signs in my friends behavior, and been able to suggest that he wasn't being honest about his food intake. I should also have seen that the direct result of this would have been depression.

I've got to snap out of this: if I can't see the issues in others, I certainly won't be able to see it in myself. Not only do I have to pay attention in class, I also have to pay attention in real life. The world around me. The world that isn't wrapped up in a work book.

-sd

The Talk

Well, after Tuesday's WLS class, I realized that I needed to come clean with my boss - it seems like it is going to be a lot more invasive on my life than initially expected.

It went better than I could have ever imagined. To me, the need to do weight loss surgery is an admission of weakness and poor character. But, apparently, my boss sees it as a realistic view of the world as it is - rather than as I'd like it to be. He has lost a lot of weight, but he talks about the constant hunger and desire than haunts him on a daily basis. He feels like I've shown plenty of strength with my ability to quit smoking cold-turkey, and suggests that maybe a little surgical help might really be a win.

Not at all what I expected...

-sd

Get a Dog!

Last night in class, we were talking about how to motivate yourself into getting 30 minutes of exercise (specifically cardio) per day. I didn't get a chance to say it, but I've already found the perfect motivator:

Get A Dog!

Dogs need to go for a walk. You won't like the consequences if you don't. But they are also a distraction for you - if you don't like walking, you won't really think about it if you are managing the dog's activity. If you live in the country, you can even unleash the dog and spend your time throwing the ball (I recommend the Chuck-It - my wife landed on this, and it is a god-send for an active dog...) instead of obsessing about steps and time.

But mostly, walking makes the dog very happy. And that will make you happy. And that ends up making a 30 minute walk something you look forward to every day!

-sd

A Complete Debacle

Well, I learned something important over the long weekend: trying to eat right and exercise while on the road is virtually impossible.

First of all, the food. Since I spent most of my driving time going through Nebraska, it seems like almost everything I saw on a plate (as opposed to a fast-food place, which I tried to avoid) looked like this:

This is your typical American STACK-OF-FOOD, and it was ever-present. You can't find anything else in Ogallala, North Platte, Kearney or Lexington - and it was pretty well-represented in Lincoln and Omaha as well. No wonder everyone there looked like I do...

As for the exercise; after 10 hours a day on the road, there was no walking in my life. The end result is that my legs were killing me, and I felt like I had gout or something. What a mess! I'm going to have to find a way to deal with this sort of thing, because I have to do this traveling more often, but the result (to my body) is horrible. And I'm not going to be able to do this after the surgery.

-sd